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Survey: What is your idea of a perfect day ????? THE PERFECT DAY FOR HER
8.15 - Wake up to hugs and kisses
8.30 - Weigh in 2kg lighter than yesterday
8.45 - Breakfast in bed, freshly squeezed orange juice and croissants; open presents - expensive jewellery chosen by thoughtful partner
9.15 - Soothing hot bath with frangipani bath oil
10.00 - Light work out at club with handsome funny personal trainer
10.30 - Facial, manicure, shampoo, condition, blow dry
12.00 - Lunch with best friend at fashionable outdoor cafe
12.45 - Catch sight of husband/boyfriend's ex and notices she has gained 7kg
1.00 - Shopping with friends, unlimited credit
3.00 - Nap
4.00 - Three dozen roses delivered by florist, card id from secret admirer
4.15 - Light work out at club, followed by massage from strong but gentle hunk who says he rarely gets to work on such a perfect body
5.30 - Choose outfit from expensive designer wardrobe, parade before full length mirror
7.30 - Candle lit dinner for two followed by dancing, with compliments received from other diners/dancers
10.00 - Hot shower (alone)
10.50 - Carried to bed . . . (freshly ironed, crisp, new, white linen)
11.00 - Pillow talk, light touching and cuddling
11.15 - Fall asleep in his big strong arms
_____________________________
THE PERFECT DAY - FOR HIM
6.00 - Alarm
6.15 - ********
6.30 - Massive satisfying dump while reading the sports section
7.00 - Breakfast: rump steak and eggs, coffee and toast, all cooked by naked chicks with big ****
7.30 - Limo arrives
7.45 - Several Whiskeys en-route to airport
9.15 - Flight in personal Lear Jet
9.30 - Limo to Riverside Oaks Golf Club (******** en-route)
9.45 - Play front nine (2 under)
11.45 - Lunch Pie, chips and gravy, 3 beers and a bottle of Dom Perignon
12.15 - ********
12.30 - Play back nine (4 under)
2.15 - Limo back to the airport (Several Whiskeys)
2.30 - Fly to Monte Carlo
3.30 - Late afternoon fishing excursion with all female crew (all nude)
4.30 - Land world record Marlin (1234lbs) - on light tackle
5.00 - Fly home, massage and hand job by naked Elle McPherson
6.45 - ****, Shower and Shave
7.00 - Watch news: Michael Jackson assassinated; marajuana and porn legalized
7.30 - Dinner: lobster appetisers, Dom Perignon (1953), big juicy fillet steak followed by Icecream served on a pair of ****
9.00 - Napoleon Brandy and Cohuna cigar in front of wall size TV as you watch international match of the day;England beat Wales 31-0
9.30 - Sex with three women (all with lesbian tendencies) 9.31
11.00 - Massage and Jacuzzi with tasty pizza snacks and a cleansing ale
11.30 - A nightcap *******
11.45 - In bed alone
11.50 - A 12 second fart which changes note 4 times and forces the dog to leave the room | You would be right by your perfect day but what guy would want that as his perfect day? You left out the part where he plays with his guys and he doesn't have to yell at one of them to stop picking on the other. :p
However it is, it's still funny.
EDIT_
4:30 am hit snooze
4:39 hit snooze
4:48 get out of bed to get dressed
4:55 wow, no bad hair day!
5:00 leave home for work
*driving* wow, no rubber neckers causing accidents and no crappy drivers.
5:30 clock in to work and not hear anyone b**ch about how much their job sucks for the next ten hours.
4:30 time to leave for home
*driving* yeah, no accidents or police causing a 10 mile backup!
5:15 back at home
5:16 open up a beer
5:30 hmmm, wife still isn't home, guess it's time to start dinner for her and the guys before she gets home.
5:55 wife is home with guys (she had a great day and gives em a hug) guys were good at daycare, no fights.
6:30 time for dinner
7:00 dinner is done and everyone rinses their dishes and puts them in the dishwasher.
7:15 guys get ready for bed as I get some comfy clothes on
7:30 piggy backs to bed and time to tuck my babies in
7:45 guys are in bed
7:50 put on a movie and actually cuddle with the Mrs. for more than a minute before she pushes me away
10:00 time for bed and cuddling with the Mrs.
10:03 the Mrs. pushes me away to lay alone
10:05 the Mrs. starts snoring asleep
somewhere after 11:00 pm she stops and I finally fall asleep.
2:15 am youngest guy wakes up just so we can put her back in bed
4 am she gets up again and so does the oldest guy so we can put them back in bed
4:30 BUZZ BUZZ BUZZ | I was completely honest with a guy i really like, Now i think i made things awkward. What should i do?Dx? I'm 15, a Sophmore in high school. He's 17, a Senior in High School.We are like best friends, We hang out a lot. I really like him, I told him a couple weeks ago. Because i'm completely honest with guys&I speak what's on mind. So i told him& he's like i like someone else, but i find you really attractive. The day after all my friends , including him, hung out at my place for the day. It was the last week of school, we had finals and it was all minimum days so why not. Well my friends smoke, and him&i don't so we decided to go in the room. all of a sudden he started to kiss me& we made out. Then stupid me, i was in the moment and gave him a *******. that night he told me he started to like me. & he started also being more sexual with me. He's been asking me to have sex with him, but i said i don't know i want to go on birthcontrol first. I'm not ready. & He's like I'm fine with that. & Yet everyday he asks. I asked him after awhile" are you just using me for sex? i dont care if you are, i just want you to be honest with me because a lot of guys do want sex from me" i have big ****, & thats basically all guys want so its hard to find a guy that truely likes me. He said thats not all he wants from me& that he likes me cause im fun to be around. I said Okay:) & yet he still asks. But whenever we hang out hes a total different person we talk about random stuff and it's more fun to be around him then texting him. Well today i asked him again because the past two days thats all hes been wanting. Im like r u sure ur not using me for sex? & hes like I already told you, if i was wouldnt i date you,have sex wit you,then leave? im not like that& im like well it seems like it, sorry i speak my mind. & he's like I noticed. & I was like sorry if i made things awkward/: i just really like you& i dont try to make anything awkward i just dont want to be hurt from doin sexual stuff. Its been 10 hours& he still hasnt texted me back. Did i do something wrong? its been bugging me. | Here's the deal. I think he is only with you because he feels like that you can blow him whenever he wants. And even though he says that he's not with you just for the sex, he might still have thoughts of it.
You're 15. You're young, obviously guys would like you because you're beautiful and not just because you have big [something]. If he doesn't respond back, forget about him. You got time left for school, and he's a senior, right? So he might be graduating and he might not see you again.
Some guys don't like texting back right away. I'm a guy and I don't get it. Some guys are assholes, but not all of them.
Bottom line, I just say wait it out and see if he responds back. If not, text him a few times, and if you don't see him by then, move on and find a better man. | MY PARTNER KISSED ANOHTER GUY ON THE CHEEK, AND THEN SLEPT AT HIS HOUSE!? Hi all,
Well I'm going to jump into it and not beat around the bush.
My girlfriend and I met in March 2010, sh already had a boufriend, but was interested in me and tried to kiss me, I have high morals and wouldn't ever think of kissing another boys girlfriend, but she apperently didn't mind. She broke up with him 4 days later or so t was nothing to do with her attempting to kiss me she jsut said to me to assure me when we started dating she hated the way he treated her and i was relly nice and respected her, we started daing a month or so afterwards.
To the point. In late May we went to a club with our friends, 2 girls and a lad called matt. everything was fine that night, i got quite drunk becasue I dont really drink and I think she may have been angry becasue she was looking after me, I don't really know.
Anyway the day after she says she's having a girls night out and we all seperate, she goe's off with her girl friend and matt to the bus, it's early in the day so no clubbing yet... anyway after 4 hours or so I am wondering through town when I see her in mccdonalds, with her 2 girl friends and stop to say hello. after 5 minutes or so matt comes and meets them, and my gf reasures me he is waiting for his brother... shortly afterwards I say my goodbyes as all FOUR of them head off to the bus station... My girlfriend made it quite difficult for me to come along, even though they were jsut going to some girls house to get changed.... apparently matts brother didnt turn up :s
so i go home severly pissed off and confused but forget about it. I sadi to my gf that I would be awake at any time if she needed to come home (we have been living togeather since before we started dating) anyway its turns out taht her girl mate said she couldnt go to her house and intead my GF went to this matts house, although in the club she said he had spent £50 plus on her getting drunk and she said she danced with him a dn pecked him on the cheek. the next day I woke up at artound 9am and waited for her tyo come on facebook, she did, i asked her to come home because it was my mums birthday and if she didnt come home i would miss it becasue they were going out and i wanted to be with my gf at the party. she refused adn said ill try but for some reason she couldn't get on the buss...
the pioint is she slept at a guys house who i knew was a bit of a perv an wanted to shag my gfs mate but didnt and the night beforehand to them going out he lightheartedly said "im goinna rape your bird with her big ****" or soemthing I had a go at him and tod my GF she said barely anything o nthe subject.
the point to this is this is my first relationship and i lost my virginity to her (Laughter...) anyway i feel very strongly for her and it kills me to tyhink waht happend that night, she even told me she slept with two guys one night at a party and gave one a *******, and she was on a break at the time with a long term BF....
sorry if it isnt structed well or anything im just really angry and upset, confuesd etc... i just want a good observation of this, we have spoke and she said taht it meant nothing and she was sorry, but with all her past and i know she is a very good liar i dont know what to think!.
thankyou for your replys :) | You are right to think the worst, I'm sorry to say, but your wrong to be confused as I believe you know the answer but wont face up to it, drop her now and move on.
Don't delay or the hurt will be deeper and more painful. | Little Tony anyone heard of him? Little Tony on Math
A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a
fence and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?"
She calls on little TONY.
He replies, "None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot."
The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I like your
thinking."
Then little TONY says, "I have a question for YOU.
There are 3 women sitting on a bench having ice cream:
One is delicately licking the sides of the triple scoop of ice cream.
The second is gobbling down the top and sucking the cone. The
third is biting off the top of the ice cream. Which one is married?"
The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, "Well, I suppose the one
that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone."
To which Little TONY replied, "The correct answer is 'the
one with the wedding ring on', but I like your thinking."
LITTLE TONY ON MATH
Little TONY returns from school and says he got an F in
arithmetic.
"Why?" asks the father?
"The teacher asked 'How much is 2x3', I said '6'", replies
TONY.
"But that's right!" says his dad.
"Yeah, but then she asked me 'How much is 3x2?'"
"What's the ******* difference?" asks the father.
"That's what I said!"
LITTLE TONY ON ENGLISH
Little TONY goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today we
are going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an
example of a multi-syllable word?"
TONY says "Mas-tur-bate."
Miss Rogers smiles and says, "Wow, little TONY, that's a
mouthful."
Little TONY says, "No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a
*******."
LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
Little TONY was sitting in class one day. All of a sudden,
he needed to go to the bathroom. He yelled out, "Miss Jones, I need to take
a piss!!"
The teacher replied, "Now, TONY, that is NOT the proper word
to use in this situation The correct word you want to use is
'urinate'. Please use the word 'ur-i-nate' in a sentence correctly, and I will
allow you to go."
Little TONY, thinks for a bit, and then says, "You're an
eight, but if you had bigger ****, you'd be a TEN!"
LITTLE TONY ON MORE GRAMMAR
One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the teacher asked
for a show of hands from those who could use the word "beautiful"
in the same sentence twice.
First, she called on little Suzie, who responded with, "My
father bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it."
"Very good, Suzie," replied the teacher. She then called on
little Michael.
"My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out
beautifully."
She said, "Excellent, Michael!" Then the teacher reluctantly
called on little TONY.
"Last night at the dinner table, my sister told my father
that she was pregnant, and he said 'Beautiful, just ******* beautiful!'"
LITTLE TONY ON GETTING OLDER
Little TONY was sitting on a park bench munching on one
candy bar after another. After the 6th one a man on the bench
across from him said, "Son, you know eating all that candy
isn't good for you. It will give you acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat."
Little TONY replied, "My grandfather lived to be 107 years
old." The man asked, "Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a
time?" Little TONY answered, "No, he minded his own ******* business.
I LOVE little Tony!!!!! | lmfao...but hers another little tony joke you might like
one Friday after lunch @ school little Tony's teacher says i am going to ask yous all a question an if you get it right you don't have to come to school on Monday
this goes for about three weeks and know one can answer her questions so one day little tony rolls to black balls down to the front of the class at question the teacher scorns WHOSE THE COMEDIAN WITH THE BLACK BALLS bill Cosby miss see ya Tuesday | Are these little johnny jokes old now or still funny? Little Johnny goes to school, and the teacher says, 'Today we are going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an example of a multi-syllable word?'
Little Johnny waves his hand, 'Me, Miss Rogers, me, me!'
Miss Rogers:'All right, little Johnny, what is your multi-syllable word?'
Little Johnny says, 'Mas-tur-bate.'
Miss Rogers smiles and says, 'Wow, little Johnny, that's a mouthful.'
Little Johnny says, 'No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a *******".
2.
Johnny was sitting in class one day. All of a sudden he needed to go to the bathroom.
He yelled out, "Miss Jones, I need to take a piss!!"
The teacher replied, "Now, Johnny, that is NOT the proper word to use in this situation. The correct word you want to use is 'urinate.' Please use the word 'urinate' in a sentence correctly, and I will allow you to go."
Little Johnny thinks for a bit, then says, "You're-an-eight, but if you had bigger ****, you'd be a ten!!!"
3.
The teacher of a first grade class gives instructions to the little boys on how to go to the bathroom.
The teacher tells them the following:
One - unzip your zipper
Two - pull your pecker out
Three - stroke the skin back
Four - take a pee
Five - stroke the skin forward
Six - put it away and zip up the zipper
So the boys go to do their thing and return a few minutes later. The teacher asks, "Where is Little Johnny?"
One of the boys replies "He is still in the bathroom."
The teacher goes down the hall to the boy's restroom and hears Little Johnny "Three, Five, Three, Five, Three, Five............" | | lol funny ones :) !!! | Help Me! How Can I Make Him See The Beauty In Me? I know you all will comment and judge, but at this point I don't care. I am ******* miserable and my self esteem is dirt. I am so sick of my self-sabotaging bullshit. My husband is a very very hot emo guy. B4 he met me, he had lots of little myspace and mojo 18 yr old sluts sending him dirty pics. Which are all saved on a file on the p.c. Not that he accesses it. (though a few still call him!). NOOO. I torture myself every day comparing me to them and their perfect bodies. Which is why I'm into S and M. B/c without the kink, you're just ******* an ugly handicapped chick with a big tummy. And it's gross. I pretty much want to crawl in a hole and disappear today. I almost wish he was ugly so i didn't feel so below him. My **** are a B/C, kinda saggy, not round, but "pointy". I hate them. My stomach looks like I've had a c-section, which I have. Kinda lke someone stuck freddy kruger on the front of me. Even my pussy must not be cute, cuz he never looks at it!!!!! I am sick of being chef/******* giver. I want to be pretty, sexy, ect. But the best i get is "cute" and "adorable". My mojo pic is a year old and the only cute pic i have of me. HOW THE **** DO I GET ANY CUTER??? I can't lose much more weight or i'll be malnutritioned and sick ( not eating ***** with me big time. i am a recovered anorexic, and the eating disorder is not at all compatable with my heart condition)
ADVICE!!! | Umm, please don't bring Freddy Kruger into this.
I think you need to just talk and talk and talk and cry and then not cry and change your life entirely and go for a walk in nature and enjoy it, turn things around.
You and everyone else have the power to change, we are just afraid of it.
I wish you all the best
It is hard to answer you, as there was no particular question and it really seems like you need to be with someone that you trust.
It sounds like you are having a crisis.
There are many people in this world finding things hard, please understand that there is not always an answer.
Peace and love
Kim | Can u help me with any poetic techniques used in this song ? anybody !? Terror cleared the skyline and anger clouded judgement,
So they spent a thousand nighttimes in the desert fighting something,
That they couldn’t find, that made it something that they couldn’t fight,
Left us lamenting all the wrongs that they couldn’t right,
This is for the second time, we’ve been here before,
From Vietnam to Saddam, we always needing a war,
Neo-conservatives rose up like Viet Cong,
Their fingers on the trigger we won’t be here long,
They killed MLK and they named a day after him,
They killed JFK and named an airport after him,
Some guy shot a monster called Reagan so he could bone,
A girl named Jodie Foster, if only he’d known,
We tested nukes in the atmosphere, the sea and the dirt,
And they tested all these missiles just to see if they worked,
Now France got ‘em, Russia got ‘em, India and Pakistan,
Korea want ‘em, States want ‘em pointed at the Taliban,
Iran and Afghanistan, sands of the Arab lands,
Orders from portable commands in armored caravans,
Internet, 3g cellular phones,
Serial killers built mini-cells in their homes,
And we had Manson, Bundy, Gacy, Son of Sam,
Macarena, superman, chicken dance, running man,
Generation X and Generation Y,
And the generation next will degenerate and die,
Cos we got holes in the Ozone that we put there ourselves,
Now the poles are a no-go, earths cooking itself,
And we can’t look at ourselves so we got saline, botox,
Eighteen, fake ****, nineteen detox,
Don’t stop, get it, get it, can’t afford it get it credit,
Buy it, spend it, try it, getting fat? Then you better shed it,
Ab-Swing, Blue Blocker, Tupac or Biggy,
East coast, west coast, Fat Joe or Fifty,
Thatcher the shifty iron lady, Tony Blair,
A princess died, some say cos she got Dodi there,
Whitlam, Keating, Hawke and a promise,
Of no guyren in poverty, wish that could have been honest,
We had Abbot and Costello, right wing overlords,
Promises and guyren, they threw ‘em both overboard,
Overwrought refugees thrown to a group home,
Or jailed for the crime of looking for a new home,
Elvis died, Hendrix died, Lennon died, genocide,
In Africa, Serbia, Cambodia, pesticides,
Bio-toxins, chemical warfare,
All’s fair in love and war, more work for the pallbearer,
More terror, more unjust search and seizures,
A tidal wave came and claimed the coast of Indonesia,
Quakes in Iran, Japan and California,
Greenhouse gas turned the world into a sauna,
The trauma of mortars, martyrs, slaughters,
Of partners, mourners, fathers and daughters,
They chased us, caught us, numbered us to sort us,
Raped us, scorned us, to break us they bought us,
Third world guyneys for captains of industry,
Uprising in the street, corruption in the ministry,
A ******* brought about the fall of a dynasty,
And MP3’s saw the fall of an industry,
Doubled population, halved accommodation,
Carved up resources and we starved the poorer nations,
Beirut, Chechnya, all hell,
Broke loose, Berlin, nineteen eighty nine man, the wall fell,
Cold war ended but that didn’t stop more shells,
Waco lit up the sky like burning oil wells,
A world laid waste with addiction,
Tell Orwell truth’s always stranger than fiction,
Big Brother’s on closed circuit TV and on cable,
Reality’s now scripted, celebrity’s for sale,
Jeopardy and jail, seized, deposed,
Remedies and penalties for failed CEO’s.
We had the Enron collapse, and white-collar crime,
Investors they were taxed, a dollar for a dime,
The blue chip companies and blue-sky mines,
We no longer choose sides we choose sidelines,
Rich bleeding the kind, blind leading the blind,
And history repeats, no competing with time,
Gasses eating the minds of the vets that they bring home,
The plague of Agent Orange, Gulf War Syndrome,
Soldiers sent home, posttraumatic stress leave,
STD’s cos the sleeve aint sexy,
AIDS shook the eighties, grim reaper with a bowling ball,
Metallica, kill ‘em, let god scold ‘em all,
The Guildford Four, Chicago Seven,
Mumia, Mandela, Oceans Eleven,
Half past twelve on Friday the Thirteenth,
Dawn of the Dead a Nightmare On Elm Street,
Weapons free environment, war zone, phone home,
Melanoma grow as we soak in the ozone,
Home-grown, Hydro, Cocaine, Nitro,
Werewolf in London, American Psycho,
Cyclones, bushfires, Bush firing Scuds,
Baby boomers, Woodstock, what happened to the love?
What happened to the cubs? They fed ‘em to the wolves,
Set a trial for pedophiles, they let ‘em in the schools,
Set ‘em on the students, turned ‘em on the guys,
And everyone responsible should burn for what they did,
And if they try to deny then an eye for an eye,
The government and church on which we try to rely,
Both rob us till it hurts chasing lie after lie,
Like astronauts chasing a pie in the sky,
They landed on the moon but can’t seem to return there,
Makes some question if they ever really were there,
And if they were there now and they looked back,
Could we look them in the eye, could we look back | | metaphor, similie, repetition for effect . . ., i think thats it. I like this, who wrote it and whats it called? |
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